Have you ever convinced yourself that you absolutely had to do something, no matter what? To hell with consequences, if you don't do this something, it's going to eat you from the inside out and your very soul will slowly disintegrate until it crumbles away and your less-than-human remains will wander this Earth in zombie-like fashion until God finally takes pity on your shadow of a life and you die.
So, you do it. And your immediate reaction? What the HELL did I do that for?
C'est la vie.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Pangea
I love sushi and my favorite place to eat it as Pangea on Hertel in Buffalo. I've been there twice now and the place is amazing. You will wait ridiculously long for your food, but that's because the owner makes every single piece by hand, as you order it. It's so fresh and delicious, it's completely worth the wait.
Both times I've gone, the wait for food has been compensated by free food and drinks. Last night, our party of five each ordered a glass of wine, which was complimentarily refilled because the waiter wanted to make sure everyone had wine with dinner. We also scored a carafe of hot sake on the house to warm us up before we went out into the cold at the end of our meal. I don't even like sake, but the gesture was really nice. The waiter, who happened to share the same April Fool's Day birthday as my friend Jesse, was really nice and kept us laughing all night.
It seems like everyone that works at Pangea is incredibly friendly and attentive, it's a pleasure to get into conversation with them. On my first visit, we sat at the sushi bar and learned the life story of the owner as we watched him make piece after piece. He came to Buffalo to study urban planning at UB, got into the field after he graduated and hated it. So, he put his sushi-making skills to use, which he learned as a waiter at Shogun while he was in school, and opened the restaurant. I think the place opened a little over a year ago and they seem to be doing really well.
The best part of Pangea is obviously the food. I started with some beef wasabi dumplings with ginger soy dipping sauce. The wonton was perfectly chewy and the the filling was seasoned just right. I also had spicy tuna rolls, eel avocado rolls, shrimp tempura rolls, soft shell crab rolls and california rolls. It was all really, really tasty.
The night continued at Allen Street Hardware and randomly Mulligan's Brick Bar for a few more drinks. With Melissa's brother in the hospital, the mood wasn't exactly cheery, but we did our best to distract her and enjoy each other's company. Molly's leaving for San Francisco May 31 and I'm going to miss her so much when she's gone. There's only a few weeks left to spend with her and I plan to take full advantage of our time together. I have some really great people in my life and for that, I am grateful.
Both times I've gone, the wait for food has been compensated by free food and drinks. Last night, our party of five each ordered a glass of wine, which was complimentarily refilled because the waiter wanted to make sure everyone had wine with dinner. We also scored a carafe of hot sake on the house to warm us up before we went out into the cold at the end of our meal. I don't even like sake, but the gesture was really nice. The waiter, who happened to share the same April Fool's Day birthday as my friend Jesse, was really nice and kept us laughing all night.
It seems like everyone that works at Pangea is incredibly friendly and attentive, it's a pleasure to get into conversation with them. On my first visit, we sat at the sushi bar and learned the life story of the owner as we watched him make piece after piece. He came to Buffalo to study urban planning at UB, got into the field after he graduated and hated it. So, he put his sushi-making skills to use, which he learned as a waiter at Shogun while he was in school, and opened the restaurant. I think the place opened a little over a year ago and they seem to be doing really well.
The best part of Pangea is obviously the food. I started with some beef wasabi dumplings with ginger soy dipping sauce. The wonton was perfectly chewy and the the filling was seasoned just right. I also had spicy tuna rolls, eel avocado rolls, shrimp tempura rolls, soft shell crab rolls and california rolls. It was all really, really tasty.
The night continued at Allen Street Hardware and randomly Mulligan's Brick Bar for a few more drinks. With Melissa's brother in the hospital, the mood wasn't exactly cheery, but we did our best to distract her and enjoy each other's company. Molly's leaving for San Francisco May 31 and I'm going to miss her so much when she's gone. There's only a few weeks left to spend with her and I plan to take full advantage of our time together. I have some really great people in my life and for that, I am grateful.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
Facebook is an evil thing. Oh sure, it's great for staying in touch with friends who've moved away, or who you just don't like enough to talk to in person. But really, it's for stalking and spying.
There's this new feature that provides a list of people you might know, based on mutual friends. The purpose is to help you connect with old friends you might not otherwise be able to find, I think. I started clicking though and found a TON of kids I graduated from Bonas with. Not really friends, I stay in touch with those I care about, but acquaintances, classmates, people I saw around campus every day.
It depressed me, not because I miss school (although I do), but because most of these people are DOING something with their lives. They live all over the country, work for all sorts of great companies, etc. We all started out in University 101 together back in 2001, that dumb mandatory freshman orientation class. Now, three years after we said goodbye to Bonaventure, the class of 2005 is out there rocking at life.
Where am I? Still in my childhood bedroom. That's a favorite poor-me phrase of mine. I know, I know, I have a great job in my field, it's smart to stay home and save money (or stay home and spend money, which is closer to the truth), I'm so lucky to not have to pay rent, buy groceries, fight with a landlord.
You know what? It's not that great. Sure, I totally have it made, but I feel like living at home is holding me back. I feel like I'm still a child. I haven't left the nest yet, partially for financial reasons, but also because I'm terrified at the thought of leaving home. I know I need to do it, and I will, soon, I swear. It's just... complicated. And also, I'm a giant whiner.
There's this new feature that provides a list of people you might know, based on mutual friends. The purpose is to help you connect with old friends you might not otherwise be able to find, I think. I started clicking though and found a TON of kids I graduated from Bonas with. Not really friends, I stay in touch with those I care about, but acquaintances, classmates, people I saw around campus every day.
It depressed me, not because I miss school (although I do), but because most of these people are DOING something with their lives. They live all over the country, work for all sorts of great companies, etc. We all started out in University 101 together back in 2001, that dumb mandatory freshman orientation class. Now, three years after we said goodbye to Bonaventure, the class of 2005 is out there rocking at life.
Where am I? Still in my childhood bedroom. That's a favorite poor-me phrase of mine. I know, I know, I have a great job in my field, it's smart to stay home and save money (or stay home and spend money, which is closer to the truth), I'm so lucky to not have to pay rent, buy groceries, fight with a landlord.
You know what? It's not that great. Sure, I totally have it made, but I feel like living at home is holding me back. I feel like I'm still a child. I haven't left the nest yet, partially for financial reasons, but also because I'm terrified at the thought of leaving home. I know I need to do it, and I will, soon, I swear. It's just... complicated. And also, I'm a giant whiner.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Na Zdrowie
If you're going out in Buffalo for Dyngus Day this year, you must check out the band Those Idiots. They are the best part of Dyngus Day and they're playing TWICE! Central Terminal from 7-9pm and the Adam Miciewicz Library from 9-11pm, which is the best bar on the East side. OK, it's the only bar I've ever been to on the East side. But seriously, it's great. Don't miss it.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Stay Away from the Lemons
It's 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday. I'm sitting at my desk, sipping on my second cup of coffee. Rainforest Nut, it's my favorite. I can barely keep my eyes open, despite turning in early last night. Getting up this morning was rough, one of those days that I curl up on the floor and take a five minute nap in between blow-drying my hair and ironing my pants.
I just realized it's not even Wednesday, it's Thursday! Oh I am so discombobulated. This weekend (which spilled into Tuesday) was a busy one, a nice change from the past few months of winter hibernation. All it took was a few St. Patty's Day shenanigans to knock the winter blues right out of me. Today is the first day of spring and I can feel signs of life stirring all over the place.
I spent some quality time with Nikki this weekend. I forget how much I enjoy her company sometimes, mostly because I hardly ever see her these days. Hanging out with just her is a rare occurrence, as her fiance Jesse is usually attached to her hip. As much as I despise couples like that, NJ (my secret nickname for them) doesn't bother me one bit. They're not the all-over-each-other-in-your-face kind of couple. Still, it's nice to get just Nikki every once in awhile.
We got to talk a lot in our 5 hours of driving to Corning and back. Nikki is one of those people that I can talk to for a long time and not run out of things to say. She told me all about work and I can tell that she's passionate about what she does and really enjoys it. I hope she gets a full-time job soon, she deserves it. We talked a lot about her wedding too, which would annoy me with most other people, but I'm genuinely happy for her and Jesse and excited to be a part of their special day, so I didn't mind.
There's a lot of busy weekends coming up, and I'm grateful for that. Easter is this Sunday, the Boston trip is in two weeks, with any luck there will be Sabres playoff hockey throughout April (I hope). Spring is here. Summer follows. Good things.
I just realized it's not even Wednesday, it's Thursday! Oh I am so discombobulated. This weekend (which spilled into Tuesday) was a busy one, a nice change from the past few months of winter hibernation. All it took was a few St. Patty's Day shenanigans to knock the winter blues right out of me. Today is the first day of spring and I can feel signs of life stirring all over the place.
I spent some quality time with Nikki this weekend. I forget how much I enjoy her company sometimes, mostly because I hardly ever see her these days. Hanging out with just her is a rare occurrence, as her fiance Jesse is usually attached to her hip. As much as I despise couples like that, NJ (my secret nickname for them) doesn't bother me one bit. They're not the all-over-each-other-in-your-face kind of couple. Still, it's nice to get just Nikki every once in awhile.
We got to talk a lot in our 5 hours of driving to Corning and back. Nikki is one of those people that I can talk to for a long time and not run out of things to say. She told me all about work and I can tell that she's passionate about what she does and really enjoys it. I hope she gets a full-time job soon, she deserves it. We talked a lot about her wedding too, which would annoy me with most other people, but I'm genuinely happy for her and Jesse and excited to be a part of their special day, so I didn't mind.
There's a lot of busy weekends coming up, and I'm grateful for that. Easter is this Sunday, the Boston trip is in two weeks, with any luck there will be Sabres playoff hockey throughout April (I hope). Spring is here. Summer follows. Good things.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
I knew this would happen...
I had to drop by Hilbert yesterday. Haven't been there since December 14, my very last grad class. I walked through the library and remembered the last time I was in that building, waiting to present my thesis. All of the emotions that I felt that night came rushing back for a minute... anxiety, excitement, relief. It was strange.
I ran into a girl who's in the middle of the IMC program in the computer lab. We started chatting and she went on about the class she was in, all the work she had to do, how stressful it was and the research, oh the research. I chuckled a little bit on the inside.
I miss school. God damn it, three months ago I was D.O.N.E. Never going back. Sooooo sick if it. Sick of sitting in class, the writing, the late nights, the textbook readings, the case study analyzations, the open discussions. I guess I'll never be sick of learning though. Can't get enough of it. Nerd.
Maybe I'm just bored. This happened when I finished my undergrad. I got caught in the monotony of working 9-5, I felt stale, like my life had no meaning. There was a brief time when I considered joining the Peace Corps or going somewhere to teach ESL. Then I decided I didn't want to move to Africa and not get paid for two years.
If I could get a second master's for free, I'd totally do it. That $60K in student loans is going to prevent me from taking my education any further on my own though. Oy. It hurts every month when I write those checks to the student loan corporation leeches that suck the life out of my checking account. I hate you.
I feel drawn to higher eduction in some way, I don't really know why, but I just do. Maybe I'll get a job at a university some day and be able to go to school for free. Maybe I'll become a professor. What a scene that would be.
Got a letter from Bonaventure today. They're having a surprise recognition dinner for Don and Mary Swanz, the Bonas professor and his wife that took us to China (I'm not really worried about either of them reading this blog and ruining the surprise.) The Swanz's took Bonas kids to China for twelve years and I was lucky enough to go on their last trip. They're awesome people and I'm looking forward to going to the dinner and seeing some of the China crew. It will be fun to swap stories with other people that have gone as well.
Maybe I can feed my desire for learning through travel. That's probably cheaper than a second master's.
I ran into a girl who's in the middle of the IMC program in the computer lab. We started chatting and she went on about the class she was in, all the work she had to do, how stressful it was and the research, oh the research. I chuckled a little bit on the inside.
I miss school. God damn it, three months ago I was D.O.N.E. Never going back. Sooooo sick if it. Sick of sitting in class, the writing, the late nights, the textbook readings, the case study analyzations, the open discussions. I guess I'll never be sick of learning though. Can't get enough of it. Nerd.
Maybe I'm just bored. This happened when I finished my undergrad. I got caught in the monotony of working 9-5, I felt stale, like my life had no meaning. There was a brief time when I considered joining the Peace Corps or going somewhere to teach ESL. Then I decided I didn't want to move to Africa and not get paid for two years.
If I could get a second master's for free, I'd totally do it. That $60K in student loans is going to prevent me from taking my education any further on my own though. Oy. It hurts every month when I write those checks to the student loan corporation leeches that suck the life out of my checking account. I hate you.
I feel drawn to higher eduction in some way, I don't really know why, but I just do. Maybe I'll get a job at a university some day and be able to go to school for free. Maybe I'll become a professor. What a scene that would be.
Got a letter from Bonaventure today. They're having a surprise recognition dinner for Don and Mary Swanz, the Bonas professor and his wife that took us to China (I'm not really worried about either of them reading this blog and ruining the surprise.) The Swanz's took Bonas kids to China for twelve years and I was lucky enough to go on their last trip. They're awesome people and I'm looking forward to going to the dinner and seeing some of the China crew. It will be fun to swap stories with other people that have gone as well.
Maybe I can feed my desire for learning through travel. That's probably cheaper than a second master's.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here
I'm tired of being single. That's kind of a big deal for me to admit. Over the past two years, I've built a wall around my heart. I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone, I was finished with the L word and I was perfectly happy on my own. The only relationships I allowed myself to be in were ones that I knew deep down wouldn't work out. They were safe. I couldn't get hurt because I was in control. That wasn't very fair to the people I dated and I'm sorry for that.
Before that time, I'd been burned, twice. It hurt and really fucked with my head. It sent me to a very dark place that I don't ever want to be in again. I've been hiding behind that hurt ever since, afraid to be vulnerable. I've realized that's kind of emo and emo is so obnoxious.
Yea, I got hurt, so what? It happens to lots of people. I'm alive and I'm a stronger person for it. As corny as that sounds, it's true. The only way to get over emotional pain like that is to just trudge through it, full force. You have to feel every excruciating ounce of it, day by day, until it slowly makes its way out of your system. It's been gone for quite some time now, so what am I hiding behind? Big fat nothing. There's a facebook bumper sticker that says "If your heart were really broken, you'd be dead. So shut up." So true, ha ha.
So where does that leave me? Alone in an ivory tower waiting for my Prince Charming? Phst, hardly. This experience has led me to a place of self-discovery. I know who I am, what I like, what isn't worth putting up with. I know bits and pieces of what I want, but more importantly, I know what I don't want and how to recognize it.
I'm still perfectly happy on my own, but it would be nice to have someone to snuggle up with at night. It has to be the right person though. I want a boy who will fall in love who I am right now, not who he wants me to be. There's nothing worse for a girl's self esteem than feeling like she has to live up to a certain standard in order to be loved. The reverse has to be true as well, I want to love someone just as they are at this very minute, not some non-existent personality that I think will come out in them if I just give it a little more time.
I want a boy who connects with me and challenges me on an intellectual level, without making me feel stupid. I want someone who can teach me things about the world and people and love, and who's willing to listen to my points of view on such things as well. When we disagree, I want to be able to voice my opinion and fight without worrying that they're going to drop me like yesterday's trash.
I want someone that I can be myself with, without worrying about being judged for my faults. And I want to love them for their faults too. I don't want you to "figure me out" or analyze my every move. God, I hate it when people think they can do that. Just accept me for who I am. Is that so much to ask?
OK, enough of this sappy junk. If you know anybody that fits this description, please give them my number. Just kidding.
Before that time, I'd been burned, twice. It hurt and really fucked with my head. It sent me to a very dark place that I don't ever want to be in again. I've been hiding behind that hurt ever since, afraid to be vulnerable. I've realized that's kind of emo and emo is so obnoxious.
Yea, I got hurt, so what? It happens to lots of people. I'm alive and I'm a stronger person for it. As corny as that sounds, it's true. The only way to get over emotional pain like that is to just trudge through it, full force. You have to feel every excruciating ounce of it, day by day, until it slowly makes its way out of your system. It's been gone for quite some time now, so what am I hiding behind? Big fat nothing. There's a facebook bumper sticker that says "If your heart were really broken, you'd be dead. So shut up." So true, ha ha.
So where does that leave me? Alone in an ivory tower waiting for my Prince Charming? Phst, hardly. This experience has led me to a place of self-discovery. I know who I am, what I like, what isn't worth putting up with. I know bits and pieces of what I want, but more importantly, I know what I don't want and how to recognize it.
I'm still perfectly happy on my own, but it would be nice to have someone to snuggle up with at night. It has to be the right person though. I want a boy who will fall in love who I am right now, not who he wants me to be. There's nothing worse for a girl's self esteem than feeling like she has to live up to a certain standard in order to be loved. The reverse has to be true as well, I want to love someone just as they are at this very minute, not some non-existent personality that I think will come out in them if I just give it a little more time.
I want a boy who connects with me and challenges me on an intellectual level, without making me feel stupid. I want someone who can teach me things about the world and people and love, and who's willing to listen to my points of view on such things as well. When we disagree, I want to be able to voice my opinion and fight without worrying that they're going to drop me like yesterday's trash.
I want someone that I can be myself with, without worrying about being judged for my faults. And I want to love them for their faults too. I don't want you to "figure me out" or analyze my every move. God, I hate it when people think they can do that. Just accept me for who I am. Is that so much to ask?
OK, enough of this sappy junk. If you know anybody that fits this description, please give them my number. Just kidding.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Why prostitutes?
All of this prostitute business with Elliot Spitzer reminds me of the time I saw Joel Giambra at Roxy's, a lesbian bar in Buffalo, with a hooker. We could tell she was a hooker because she had teased hair and was wearing leggings. Also, when I tried to inconspicuously take a cell phone picture of the two of them grinding on the dance floor, he reached over and snapped my phone shut.
Now, I was at Roxy's because they have cheap drinks and my friend likes girls. Why was Mr. Giambra there? Because he didn't want to take his hooker to Chippewa?
I wonder how many politicians in the history of the universe have paid for sex. My question is why? If you hate boning your own wife that much, why not solicit a hot, young intern who'll do you for free? It might not be ethical, but at least you can't go to jail for it. I think it's also slightly less embarrassing than getting caught doing the very thing that you've helped prosecute people for.
Not to mention prostitutes are dirty. They've had sex, probably unprotected, with lots and lots and lots of people. They have diseases. That's gross. Again, why? There are other options people.
I guess the reason for all of this is power. He did it because he could, and he probably got off on just that. Hope it was worth it. The guy was only in the second year of his first term as governor of New York State. He could have finished out his term, run for a second, who knows after that. There was potential for many more years of power ahead of him. Not anymore, dumbass.
Now, I was at Roxy's because they have cheap drinks and my friend likes girls. Why was Mr. Giambra there? Because he didn't want to take his hooker to Chippewa?
I wonder how many politicians in the history of the universe have paid for sex. My question is why? If you hate boning your own wife that much, why not solicit a hot, young intern who'll do you for free? It might not be ethical, but at least you can't go to jail for it. I think it's also slightly less embarrassing than getting caught doing the very thing that you've helped prosecute people for.
Not to mention prostitutes are dirty. They've had sex, probably unprotected, with lots and lots and lots of people. They have diseases. That's gross. Again, why? There are other options people.
I guess the reason for all of this is power. He did it because he could, and he probably got off on just that. Hope it was worth it. The guy was only in the second year of his first term as governor of New York State. He could have finished out his term, run for a second, who knows after that. There was potential for many more years of power ahead of him. Not anymore, dumbass.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Once
This movie is amazing. You should watch it. Yes, I mean you.
"I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along"
"I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along"
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