I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here

I'm tired of being single. That's kind of a big deal for me to admit. Over the past two years, I've built a wall around my heart. I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone, I was finished with the L word and I was perfectly happy on my own. The only relationships I allowed myself to be in were ones that I knew deep down wouldn't work out. They were safe. I couldn't get hurt because I was in control. That wasn't very fair to the people I dated and I'm sorry for that.

Before that time, I'd been burned, twice. It hurt and really fucked with my head. It sent me to a very dark place that I don't ever want to be in again. I've been hiding behind that hurt ever since, afraid to be vulnerable. I've realized that's kind of emo and emo is so obnoxious.

Yea, I got hurt, so what? It happens to lots of people. I'm alive and I'm a stronger person for it. As corny as that sounds, it's true. The only way to get over emotional pain like that is to just trudge through it, full force. You have to feel every excruciating ounce of it, day by day, until it slowly makes its way out of your system. It's been gone for quite some time now, so what am I hiding behind? Big fat nothing. There's a facebook bumper sticker that says "If your heart were really broken, you'd be dead. So shut up." So true, ha ha.

So where does that leave me? Alone in an ivory tower waiting for my Prince Charming? Phst, hardly. This experience has led me to a place of self-discovery. I know who I am, what I like, what isn't worth putting up with. I know bits and pieces of what I want, but more importantly, I know what I don't want and how to recognize it.

I'm still perfectly happy on my own, but it would be nice to have someone to snuggle up with at night. It has to be the right person though. I want a boy who will fall in love who I am right now, not who he wants me to be. There's nothing worse for a girl's self esteem than feeling like she has to live up to a certain standard in order to be loved. The reverse has to be true as well, I want to love someone just as they are at this very minute, not some non-existent personality that I think will come out in them if I just give it a little more time.

I want a boy who connects with me and challenges me on an intellectual level, without making me feel stupid. I want someone who can teach me things about the world and people and love, and who's willing to listen to my points of view on such things as well. When we disagree, I want to be able to voice my opinion and fight without worrying that they're going to drop me like yesterday's trash.

I want someone that I can be myself with, without worrying about being judged for my faults. And I want to love them for their faults too. I don't want you to "figure me out" or analyze my every move. God, I hate it when people think they can do that. Just accept me for who I am. Is that so much to ask?

OK, enough of this sappy junk. If you know anybody that fits this description, please give them my number. Just kidding.