Sunday, November 30, 2008

So Much To Be Thankful For

Thanksgiving weekend is always crazy, fun, exhausting and one of my favorite times of the year. It's the official kick-off to the holiday season and there is so much going on. I know it's cheesy, but it's also the perfect time to pause for a moment and reflect on the many things to be thankful for. Here's my list:
  • That I finished the 8K Turkey Trot almost ten minutes faster than last year. OK, it still took me 1:15:13, ranking 600 out out of 647 in my age group, but it's an improvement damn it!
  • My job. Times are tough and I'm lucky enough to not only get a pay check every two weeks, but to actually enjoy my work and the people I do it with.
  • All of my friends and family are healthy and we can celebrate another holiday season together.
  • My parents. They're awesome and I don't thank them enough for their awesomeness.
  • Staying in touch with friends. It's hard to do sometimes, but you find away to stay connected to the ones that matter most.
  • The urge to clean, consolidate and get rid of junk. It's a project I was putting off for a long time and I've been on a roll lately! Organizing your physical space has a funny way of helping you organize other parts of your life.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I don't care for your fairytales.

I haven't written a blog about my personal life in quite some time. I tried to stick with current events for awhile, in order to keep writing without spilling my guts to the entire Internet community. Today, I say "screw it."

Writing is so therapeutic for me. It provides such a release, as if each word I type helps me let go of whatever ails me at the moment. It's been too long since I've gone through this process. I suppose I've been holding it all in because if you don't admit your problems, they don't really exist, right? Not so much.

So what's the problem this time? A boy, of course. I thought this one was different. It started out like a fairytale, for crying out loud. Girl's high school crush resurfaces ten years later to reveal his feelings for her. It sounds like a movie plot. I shouldn't have let the romanticism sweep me off my feet like that. I know better. But it was so nice to feel warm and fuzzy toward someone again. Particularly this someone.

So, I jumped in. Except I think that I jumped alone. I thought I was diving into an ocean, mysterious, beautiful, vast and full of life. It turned out to be a dirty puddle. And now I stand here, sheepishly, with wet feet. And my damn shoes squeak when I walk down the hallway, each step a reminder of my mistake.

OK, maybe I took that analogy a bit too far. Blame it on the writing drought. The point is, I thought I had become sufficiently numb to love. I thought I trained myself to get involved without getting too close. Not true, dear readers of my blog (if there are any), not true. I just wasn't involved with anyone worth getting close to. It's looking like this one wasn't worth it either.

So, what have I learned? I am not numb. That's a good thing. The emotions that have surfaced are not pleasant, but they are mine and I just have to plow through them until I get to the other side. It stings, but I've been through much worse and lived to be a better person for it.

Also, boys cannot be trusted. Kidding, kidding. I am quite sure that there are plenty of trustworthy males in this world, I even know a few of them. Just haven't found the one for me yet. My second lesson goes something like this: Jumping in is not a good idea unless you're holding someone's hand and they jump with you. Even then, sometimes it doesn't work out. So, next time, maybe I'll try actually talking things out before setting my expectations so high. Yea, that sounds like a better idea.

I shall leave you with a song that I thoroughly enjoy singing in the car at the top of my lungs in times like these...

"Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing"