Tell me all your thoughts on God

I've been struggling with my faith in the Catholic Church vs. my faith in a higher power. I've been avoiding the conflict for years, going to church less and less while going back and forth about what I really believe. I find it incredibly difficult to belong to an institution that preaches about so many things that I wholeheartedly disagree with. I feel like a hypocrite when I do go to church because I don't believe everything the Vatican tells me I should. In fact, I strongly disagree with a lot of things and many of the Vatican's teachings anger me.

On the other hand, I find comfort in going to MY church. The church that I grew up going to, where I went to grammar school, where I made my First Reconciliation, First Communion and Confirmation, where I learned about my faith. St. Ambrose has been blessed with several incredible priests over the years that have taught acceptance and understanding, not judgement and condemnation of those who are different.

St. Ambrose is a very plain church, it doesn't have oodles of gold statues and marble pillars that cost ridiculous amounts of money and stand for Hypocrisy with a capitol H. It was originally built as a temporary place of worship until a larger, fancier church could be built. That never happened, but Msgr. William Stanton, the head of the parish while I attended the school (and the coolest priest that ever existed), designed a series of beautiful stained glass windows for the church. The images that are depicted in those windows are highly controversial, but represent the acceptance and understanding that makes me feel good about belonging to St. Ambrose. Among the figures that appear in the windows are Buddha, Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., symbols of various Protestant sects, Moses, Mohammed and an unborn fetus. Father Stanton died several years ago, but his windows will always be there to remind us of his teachings.

Unfortunately, the only websites that I could find about the windows are crazy people ranting about how they honor false gods and anyone that goes near them will immediately burst into flames and go straight to hell. You can read the crazy rants and see pictures of the windows here, here, and here.

So the story is, I like St. Ambrose and I like the comfort that attending mass every once in awhile brings me. I think it's the stability and consistency of the rituals performed during mass. It's comforting to know exactly what to expect and know that it will always be the same. When my life is hectic and I'm craving calmness, church always does it for me. However, there's a nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "you don't believe in all of this, you hypocrite."

I think God loves gay people just as much as straight people, I think priests should be able to marry and women should be able to be priests, I think a woman has the right to choose what to do with her body, I don't think birth control is evil and I think if you wait until you're married to have sex, you're crazy. So there.

I most definitely believe in a higher power that I choose to call God. However, I don't believe that my version of God is the only version that's acceptable. I don't think Catholicism is superior to any other religion that's out there. I think organized religion is a way for the common folk to make sense of spirituality and faith. Everyone... Catholics, Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews, we're all just looking for something greater than ourselves in this life and religion provides an explanation for that. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong, it's all a matter of what you believe.

Having said all of that, can I still call myself a Catholic? Am I still allowed to take Communion? Am I a bad person for going to church once every few months when it's convenient for me? These are the questions that I struggle with. Hopefully, someday I'll find some answers. In the mean time, I guess I just have to have faith.