Craptastic

Something really crappy happened at work today. One of the crappiest things that's ever happened to me at a job. I really had nothing to do with it, it was not my fault at all. That's what everyone told me anyway. I even received unexpected compliments about my diligence and hard work, but alas, the crappy thing happened anyway.

I can't go into detail, but "it" was bad. I say "was" because it's done and over with now. The only place to go is forward, no point in dwelling on it. I realize this is starting to sound like I lost my job or something, but no worries, that didn't happen. "It," however, knocked me off the feel-good cloud I've been riding on and shoved the sometimes cold, heartless soul of corporate America in my face.

It was rough, I actually almost cried. But I kept it together and reminded myself that this isn't the playground. Things happen that you have no control over, grow up and get over it. I was on the receiving end of many sympathy gazes today. I smiled politely, staying upbeat, but wondered what they were really thinking. Could I have done better? Tried harder? Worked longer? Did I fail? I'm still wondering.

No, no, everyone assured me. This wasn't my fault. "It" had been a long time coming. "It" wasn't the end of the world. I did the best job I could.

You know what? I DID do the best job that I could. Apparently, that wasn't good enough. The expectations were impossible, rebuilding something that had taken four years to accomplish in less than three months. Nope, I couldn't do that. Really, who could? They are right, it wasn't my fault.

I feel like I wasn't given a proper chance, it's not fair. The old saying is true, life isn't fair. Still, I wonder, do people think I'm not good enough?

The only thing I can do is try harder. There is plenty of work to be done and I will do it and do it well. I have to exceed expectations and blow them away. Accuracy, efficiency and creativity will be extremely important. Christmas is almost here, and with it a whole 11 days away from the office. This will be a welcome break from the every day routine. Then, it's show time.