Craptastic

Something really crappy happened at work today. One of the crappiest things that's ever happened to me at a job. I really had nothing to do with it, it was not my fault at all. That's what everyone told me anyway. I even received unexpected compliments about my diligence and hard work, but alas, the crappy thing happened anyway.

I can't go into detail, but "it" was bad. I say "was" because it's done and over with now. The only place to go is forward, no point in dwelling on it. I realize this is starting to sound like I lost my job or something, but no worries, that didn't happen. "It," however, knocked me off the feel-good cloud I've been riding on and shoved the sometimes cold, heartless soul of corporate America in my face.

It was rough, I actually almost cried. But I kept it together and reminded myself that this isn't the playground. Things happen that you have no control over, grow up and get over it. I was on the receiving end of many sympathy gazes today. I smiled politely, staying upbeat, but wondered what they were really thinking. Could I have done better? Tried harder? Worked longer? Did I fail? I'm still wondering.

No, no, everyone assured me. This wasn't my fault. "It" had been a long time coming. "It" wasn't the end of the world. I did the best job I could.

You know what? I DID do the best job that I could. Apparently, that wasn't good enough. The expectations were impossible, rebuilding something that had taken four years to accomplish in less than three months. Nope, I couldn't do that. Really, who could? They are right, it wasn't my fault.

I feel like I wasn't given a proper chance, it's not fair. The old saying is true, life isn't fair. Still, I wonder, do people think I'm not good enough?

The only thing I can do is try harder. There is plenty of work to be done and I will do it and do it well. I have to exceed expectations and blow them away. Accuracy, efficiency and creativity will be extremely important. Christmas is almost here, and with it a whole 11 days away from the office. This will be a welcome break from the every day routine. Then, it's show time.

Pomp and Circumstance... and a lot of snow

Well, so much for that "writing often" thing, it's been almost 10 days since my last post! Much has happened since then and life is pretty good right now.

First of all, I graduated! I've had a few days for that reality to set it and it's a strange feeling. I'm so happy to be done with the Saturday morning classes, the stress, the frustrations and all that jazz. But I'll miss a lot of things too. As crazy as my classmates and I drove each other at times, we were like a family. During our final class, I presented this little blog project and I told them that I despite our differences, I learned a valuable lesson from every single one of them. That was kind of the theme of the night, lessons learned and friendships made. It was nice.

Even nicer, was graduation night. My whole family made the trek down to Olean for the ceremony, amidst worries over some serious health problems with my grandmother's sister and a warning that the "storm of the century" might hit town. It meant a lot that they all came. Watching my grandparents watching me, I could tell it meant a lot to them to be there. My dad told me he was proud of me, which always tugs at my heart in a way that nothing else ever will.

The ceremony was short and sweet, but the man that gave our commencement speech, an education professor that I had never heard of, sent us on our way with a really great message. He compared our diploma to a brand new car, Bona brown with white interior (this made me crack up). We have the keys, but it will only go where we drive it. The world is an open road, see what's out there. But don't forget about your "BonaStar" button that connects you to the university that you call home whenever you need help.

Messages like that always send twinges of anticipation and excitement through my body. How will my life play out? Where will I go? What will I do? Will I ever have the courage to leave Buffalo and see what else is out there? Time will tell. I have to be patient, things will work themselves out.

Then, the party started. St. Bonaventure is a Franciscan university and let me tell you, those friars know how to throw a party. The IMC class and their guests were invited to an exclusive gathering at the friary, home of the men in the brown robes, complete with open bar and an endless supply of goodies to munch on. I walked in the door and Brother Basil, my favorite professor, greeted me and said, "Get to the bar!"

The Friary is a gorgeous building that was always a mystery to me as an undergrad. I was never part of the "special" group that got invited to dinner there on occasion. It was worth the wait. That night was so incredibly special, I won't even try to describe the details of it here. The memory will stay with me forever.

I know it's cheesy, but St. Bonaventure really is a unique place. Outsiders joke about it being cult-like, but once you're in, you're in for life. If you're not part of it, you can't possibly understand it and you probably think I'm just a big dork. Too bad. I love that school.

A Jaded Company Christmas

Yesterday was my office holiday party, my first real corporate social function. The Fair had a Christmas party, but it was more for members of the Ag society than employees and I had to work the Chinese auction table every year, so I couldn't just relax and enjoy myself.

The party was at a fancy-pants golf course clubhouse in Lockport. The building was beautiful and it was really nice to see my co-workers all dressed up outside of the office. I met lots of husbands, wives and significant others of the people I work with and everyone was really nice. There were over 100 people there, so it was a good crowd and I think everyone had fun for the most part.

There were still a few people that complained though. The food was bad, the drinks were watered down, they made us play games, the music was cheesy, etc. Being a newbie and not yet jaded, I found this a little annoying. The company threw us a party, a free party with free drinks and free food and free music and free raffles with free prizes and we could have brought a guest for free too. What's to complain about? My mom works at a hospital with doctors that have more money than God and she has to pay $35 per person for a ticket to her company's holiday party. Take what you can get, people.

Then I thought about the Fair and how I used to complain about that holiday party (as I did in the first paragraph of this blog). It wasn't really for employees, I had to work during it, we only got a few free drink tickets, the food was bad, everyone wore a cowboy tie, etc. I'm sure I complained a lot more about my last party than I did about my first. I became jaded over the years and left that place full of resent and disappointment.

I really hope that doesn't happen at my new job. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but that's hard to do when everyone around me who has been working there for several years or more is constantly complaining about the company. How do you prevent becoming jaded? I've taken everything that I've heard, good and bad, with a grain of salt and I'm doing my best to form my own opinions as I gain first hand knowledge and experience. So far, the experience has been pretty damn good.

If the company's values align with your own, you believe in the company's mission and you are satisfied with your position at that company, then becoming jaded shouldn't happen. But is anyone ever truly satisfied? There's always something...salary, an annoying co-worker, benefits... to complain about even if you really like your job. I think it's human nature to always want more.

At 24, it's hard to see myself settling down at one company for the rest of my life. I like the confidence and recognition that come with seniority though, I really am enjoying what I do at this new job and I hope that enjoyment continues. I'm sure that in time, my wide-eyed appreciation for free holiday parties will be replaced by complaints about dry chicken and 80s rock ballads, but I'll try to be conscious of my whininess level so I don't scare the newbies.

Meez

Instead of doing something productive after work today, I created a Meez. It's a virtual character that you design from head to toe, including body shape, hair, eye and skin color, clothing and background. You can put your Meez in a bikini and send her to the beach or you can put her in a suit and make her sit at a desk. I put mine in jeans and put her in Times Square. There is absolutely no point to this, but I found it amusing.

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers."

My job is pretty cool. For years, I thought that an ad agency would be a good place for me and now I'm doing it and loving it. When I interviewed, they were concerned about the transition I would have to make from an entertainment background to industrial, b-to-b industries. I made up something about how it's the process of marketing communications that I am passionate about, the industry doesn't matter. I didn't know if that was true at the time, but it was convincing enough to get me a job.

Honestly, I was nervous about the clients I'd be dealing with. How boring is it to write press releases about paint and cleaning products all day? Turns out, not boring at all. Most of my clients fall into the "building and construction" category, topics I know very little about, but I love the challenge of researching and figuring it out. I love coming home and talking to my dad about radiant heating and actually holding up my end of the conversation. I realize this makes me a gigantic dork. It's definitely not for everyone, but it is for me and that's a really good feeling.

In a way, I enjoy the fact that not just anyone could cut it, doing what my department does. Doing what my agency does, really. I work with some incredibly smart and talented people and I feel lucky to be a part of that mix.

I'm also learning that public relations is so much more than writing press releases. It's about telling stories, selling your hook and most important, relationship building. When I left the Fair, it was really sad to leave behind all of the wonderful people I got to work with each year. But I'm making new contacts and building new relationships now, and its great.

The best part of my job is the writing. I am writing SOMETHING... an e-mail pitch, a press release, interview questions... for more than half of every day. Most of the rest of the time, I'm verbally communicating on the phone or in person with someone. The best part is, I have a wonderful mentor who is willing to help me become a better communicator just because he's passionate about what we do as well. A fellow Bona grad, he's an incredible writer and will take something I've painstakingly put together and rip it apart. I LOVE IT! I'm learning and growing so much; it's such a refreshing change.

So, it turns out that my spur of the moment answer actually is true. I'm passionate about the process and I'm being given the tools to take my passion and run with it.

Personal Growth Project

My name is Erin and I want to be a blogger. I've been toying with the idea for some time now, I've even written a blog here and there on my myspace page. But I've never really committed to maintaining a blog, until now.

I'm going to write often, whenever the mood strikes, about my life. It will be my virtual diary, serving as a forum to express my emotions and organize my thoughts. I don't plan on dishing about my deepest, darkest secrets (you'll have to get to know me for those). In fact, I don't really know what I'll write about. But write, I will.

I've decided to take on this project as part of the very last assignment I'll ever complete for school (unless I do something crazy like get a second Masters or a Doctorate - highly unlikely.) In less than two weeks, I will graduate with a Masters degree in Integrated Marketing Communications from St. Bonaventure University. The last assignment for the last class is called a "Personal Growth Project." It's a purposely-vague assignment meant to encourage reflection on what we've learned since the start of this program sixteen months ago.

I've learned A LOT and I don't want to forget what this period of my life has been like. Therefore, I'd better write it down since I have the memory of a goldfish.

Some lessons have included:

1. How to use InDesign.
2. The proper way to write a creative brief.
3. I hate marketing research.
4. Sleeping in on Saturday mornings is a blessing.
5. No one in China speaks English. Not even a little.
6. I can sit at a computer for 12 straight hours.
7. Erin Haskell creates doodle masterpieces.

The most important lessons have been what I've learned about myself. I'm a different person than when I started this program. I'm not sure exactly how it happened; I think it was a combination of love from my family, support from friends, personal realizations, career choices and a few lessons in the classroom.

Regardless of HOW it happened, I am a happier, more secure, more outgoing person than I was last August. I decided to go back to school because I didn't know what else to do with my life. At the age of 22, I had lost my identity. I had been dependent on others to make me happy for so long that I was afraid to be alone because I didn't know myself anymore. I forgot what it felt like to be passionate about something, to explore new ideas and get excited about new things and new people. It was not a pleasant place to be.

The IMC program and the people in it helped me to regain confidence in myself. That, in turn, helped me with all the other stuff. These past sixteen months have truly been a “bona venture” or “good journey” for me, for many, many reasons. I'll talk about them in future posts. For now, it's time for bed.