Going to the chapel, but NOT getting married!

It’s been a busy summer. Or maybe it’s just been a boring summer. Either way, I haven’t had much of a desire to blog lately. I’m trying to get back into it though. I think it’s important to keep writing, especially writing for pleasure.

The Militello-Barrie wedding went off without a hitch. The ceremony was lovely, the weather held out, the reception turned out to be a great party and everyone got along swimmingly.

No sooner did I stumble in the door, bridesmaid shoes in hand, than I found an invitation to yet another bridal shower on my kitchen table. One of my closest friends from college is getting married in October. I haven’t talked to the girl in a year, and even then it was only a quick hello-goodbye. I’ve made many attempts to stay in touch with the bride-to-be, along with a second girl that made up our threesome at Bonas. Every one of my emails and phone calls has been ignored, but I’m invited to the shower and bachelorette party in a few weeks.

Thankfully, I’ll be out of town for the shower and her wedding falls on the same day as another wedding that I’m standing up in. I think it’s a bit ridiculous to cut people out of your life and then ask them to buy you presents. I know we’re all busy and keeping in touch is difficult, but if that’s the road you want to take, stay on it.

In total, seven weddings will take place in my social circle this year. Some of them are my best friends; some of them are barely acquaintances, but seven couples that I know one way or another will be married by the end of the year. That’s fourteen people total, all approximately my age, saying “I do.”

That makes me feel oooooooold. And also, a little unaccomplished. If my friends aren’t getting married this year, they’re at least moving into their own apartments. Some of them are even moving across the country. Where am I? Living comfortably with mom and dad, still hanging out in my childhood bedroom, with no hope of new digs in sight. My financial situation just won’t allow it and most of the blame can be put on student loans. American Education Services and Great Lakes Higher Education Corporation and the HSBC Education Loan program OWN me.

I had a long talk with a dear friend about feeling like I’m being left in the dust as everyone around me accelerates into real adulthood. She said screw adulthood; let’s go teach abroad for a semester. That sounds like a lot more fun than wedding bells.

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.

Facebook is an evil thing. Oh sure, it's great for staying in touch with friends who've moved away, or who you just don't like enough to talk to in person. But really, it's for stalking and spying.

There's this new feature that provides a list of people you might know, based on mutual friends. The purpose is to help you connect with old friends you might not otherwise be able to find, I think. I started clicking though and found a TON of kids I graduated from Bonas with. Not really friends, I stay in touch with those I care about, but acquaintances, classmates, people I saw around campus every day.

It depressed me, not because I miss school (although I do), but because most of these people are DOING something with their lives. They live all over the country, work for all sorts of great companies, etc. We all started out in University 101 together back in 2001, that dumb mandatory freshman orientation class. Now, three years after we said goodbye to Bonaventure, the class of 2005 is out there rocking at life.

Where am I? Still in my childhood bedroom. That's a favorite poor-me phrase of mine. I know, I know, I have a great job in my field, it's smart to stay home and save money (or stay home and spend money, which is closer to the truth), I'm so lucky to not have to pay rent, buy groceries, fight with a landlord.

You know what? It's not that great. Sure, I totally have it made, but I feel like living at home is holding me back. I feel like I'm still a child. I haven't left the nest yet, partially for financial reasons, but also because I'm terrified at the thought of leaving home. I know I need to do it, and I will, soon, I swear. It's just... complicated. And also, I'm a giant whiner.

Stay Away from the Lemons

It's 10:30 a.m. on Wednesday. I'm sitting at my desk, sipping on my second cup of coffee. Rainforest Nut, it's my favorite. I can barely keep my eyes open, despite turning in early last night. Getting up this morning was rough, one of those days that I curl up on the floor and take a five minute nap in between blow-drying my hair and ironing my pants.

I just realized it's not even Wednesday, it's Thursday! Oh I am so discombobulated. This weekend (which spilled into Tuesday) was a busy one, a nice change from the past few months of winter hibernation. All it took was a few St. Patty's Day shenanigans to knock the winter blues right out of me. Today is the first day of spring and I can feel signs of life stirring all over the place.

I spent some quality time with Nikki this weekend. I forget how much I enjoy her company sometimes, mostly because I hardly ever see her these days. Hanging out with just her is a rare occurrence, as her fiance Jesse is usually attached to her hip. As much as I despise couples like that, NJ (my secret nickname for them) doesn't bother me one bit. They're not the all-over-each-other-in-your-face kind of couple. Still, it's nice to get just Nikki every once in awhile.

We got to talk a lot in our 5 hours of driving to Corning and back. Nikki is one of those people that I can talk to for a long time and not run out of things to say. She told me all about work and I can tell that she's passionate about what she does and really enjoys it. I hope she gets a full-time job soon, she deserves it. We talked a lot about her wedding too, which would annoy me with most other people, but I'm genuinely happy for her and Jesse and excited to be a part of their special day, so I didn't mind.

There's a lot of busy weekends coming up, and I'm grateful for that. Easter is this Sunday, the Boston trip is in two weeks, with any luck there will be Sabres playoff hockey throughout April (I hope). Spring is here. Summer follows. Good things.

I knew this would happen...

I had to drop by Hilbert yesterday. Haven't been there since December 14, my very last grad class. I walked through the library and remembered the last time I was in that building, waiting to present my thesis. All of the emotions that I felt that night came rushing back for a minute... anxiety, excitement, relief. It was strange.

I ran into a girl who's in the middle of the IMC program in the computer lab. We started chatting and she went on about the class she was in, all the work she had to do, how stressful it was and the research, oh the research. I chuckled a little bit on the inside.

I miss school. God damn it, three months ago I was D.O.N.E. Never going back. Sooooo sick if it. Sick of sitting in class, the writing, the late nights, the textbook readings, the case study analyzations, the open discussions. I guess I'll never be sick of learning though. Can't get enough of it. Nerd.

Maybe I'm just bored. This happened when I finished my undergrad. I got caught in the monotony of working 9-5, I felt stale, like my life had no meaning. There was a brief time when I considered joining the Peace Corps or going somewhere to teach ESL. Then I decided I didn't want to move to Africa and not get paid for two years.

If I could get a second master's for free, I'd totally do it. That $60K in student loans is going to prevent me from taking my education any further on my own though. Oy. It hurts every month when I write those checks to the student loan corporation leeches that suck the life out of my checking account. I hate you.

I feel drawn to higher eduction in some way, I don't really know why, but I just do. Maybe I'll get a job at a university some day and be able to go to school for free. Maybe I'll become a professor. What a scene that would be.

Got a letter from Bonaventure today. They're having a surprise recognition dinner for Don and Mary Swanz, the Bonas professor and his wife that took us to China (I'm not really worried about either of them reading this blog and ruining the surprise.) The Swanz's took Bonas kids to China for twelve years and I was lucky enough to go on their last trip. They're awesome people and I'm looking forward to going to the dinner and seeing some of the China crew. It will be fun to swap stories with other people that have gone as well.

Maybe I can feed my desire for learning through travel. That's probably cheaper than a second master's.