Tell me all your thoughts on God

I've been struggling with my faith in the Catholic Church vs. my faith in a higher power. I've been avoiding the conflict for years, going to church less and less while going back and forth about what I really believe. I find it incredibly difficult to belong to an institution that preaches about so many things that I wholeheartedly disagree with. I feel like a hypocrite when I do go to church because I don't believe everything the Vatican tells me I should. In fact, I strongly disagree with a lot of things and many of the Vatican's teachings anger me.

On the other hand, I find comfort in going to MY church. The church that I grew up going to, where I went to grammar school, where I made my First Reconciliation, First Communion and Confirmation, where I learned about my faith. St. Ambrose has been blessed with several incredible priests over the years that have taught acceptance and understanding, not judgement and condemnation of those who are different.

St. Ambrose is a very plain church, it doesn't have oodles of gold statues and marble pillars that cost ridiculous amounts of money and stand for Hypocrisy with a capitol H. It was originally built as a temporary place of worship until a larger, fancier church could be built. That never happened, but Msgr. William Stanton, the head of the parish while I attended the school (and the coolest priest that ever existed), designed a series of beautiful stained glass windows for the church. The images that are depicted in those windows are highly controversial, but represent the acceptance and understanding that makes me feel good about belonging to St. Ambrose. Among the figures that appear in the windows are Buddha, Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., symbols of various Protestant sects, Moses, Mohammed and an unborn fetus. Father Stanton died several years ago, but his windows will always be there to remind us of his teachings.

Unfortunately, the only websites that I could find about the windows are crazy people ranting about how they honor false gods and anyone that goes near them will immediately burst into flames and go straight to hell. You can read the crazy rants and see pictures of the windows here, here, and here.

So the story is, I like St. Ambrose and I like the comfort that attending mass every once in awhile brings me. I think it's the stability and consistency of the rituals performed during mass. It's comforting to know exactly what to expect and know that it will always be the same. When my life is hectic and I'm craving calmness, church always does it for me. However, there's a nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "you don't believe in all of this, you hypocrite."

I think God loves gay people just as much as straight people, I think priests should be able to marry and women should be able to be priests, I think a woman has the right to choose what to do with her body, I don't think birth control is evil and I think if you wait until you're married to have sex, you're crazy. So there.

I most definitely believe in a higher power that I choose to call God. However, I don't believe that my version of God is the only version that's acceptable. I don't think Catholicism is superior to any other religion that's out there. I think organized religion is a way for the common folk to make sense of spirituality and faith. Everyone... Catholics, Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews, we're all just looking for something greater than ourselves in this life and religion provides an explanation for that. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong, it's all a matter of what you believe.

Having said all of that, can I still call myself a Catholic? Am I still allowed to take Communion? Am I a bad person for going to church once every few months when it's convenient for me? These are the questions that I struggle with. Hopefully, someday I'll find some answers. In the mean time, I guess I just have to have faith.

Thoughts from the weekend

The Panza Collection on display at the Albright-Knox is really disappointing. Maybe I'm not sophisticated enough, but I'm not impressed by a giant canvas painted one solid color.

It is an amazing feeling to touch the Stanley Cup.

Rice balls from Filippo's might be the perfect food.

I have some awesome friends and we're so lucky to have each other. They really are an extension of my family.

Sabres games are way more fun when we win.

OxiClean will get any stain out, it will even remove very dark beer from your brand new white sweatshirt.

I can't believe the Giants won. I'm sad that Peyton lost. I love Brett Favre.

I also love James Morrison...
"Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
Cause someday I might know my heart."

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

I think Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious. I loved watching Walker Texas Ranger back in the day and I just think this "Chuck Norris Facts" phenomenon that has developed over the past few years is really, really funny. I even have the Chuck Norris Fact Generator on my iGoogle home page and my co-worker Marghi and I crack up over the stupid jokes every day. I have a retarded sense of humor.

So imagine my delight the first time I saw Chuck standing next to Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee on the news. Two of my favorite things to make fun of! Chuck was just standing there with this big, goofy grin on his face while Huckabee was rambling on about gay marriage being a pathway to hell or something. Then, my dear friend Marghi discovered this video. Please take a moment to watch:



What do you think? Hilarious and terrifying at the same time? If this is real, which I'm assuming it is, holy crap. I can't believe people would actually vote for this idiot to run our country. Actually, yes I can believe it since we elected George W twice, but it scares me. A lot. On an entertainment scale, however, it gets a 10 from me.

I'd like to end this blog with some of my favorite Chuck Norris facts. Please enjoy.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

The Boogie Man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed.

Don't think twice, it's all right.

The past few weeks have been crazy busy, hence the lack of posts. But I'm back at it, thanks to some harassing from a fellow blogger. Christmas was nice, a quiet day at my house with my parents, brother and grandparents. Both sides of my family used to have giant parties on Christmas day, on opposite sides of town, which always made for a stressful, hectic holiday. I do miss getting together with everyone, but I kind of like it better this way. It's really quite fabulous to not have to leave your house on Christmas.

After that, I went to New York for a few days to visit my friend John. He moved to Brooklyn something like a year and a half ago and I still hadn't made it out for a visit, so I finally went and had a lot of fun. I got to see the Rockefeller Center tree, which was beautiful and gigantic, along with some other touristy things. Really though, I had the most fun just hanging out with John and his friends. They are some very sarcastic, witty boys and they made me laugh a lot.

This was my fourth time visiting the city, but the first time that I had to get around by myself. It was an interesting experience. I got very lost multiple times, but eventually figured it out (after multiple texts/phone calls to John saying "Where the hell am I supposed to go?!") It was kind of invigorating to be so completely out of my comfort zone for a few days. Things like that always make me appreciate home and I think I needed that.

Most of New Year's was spent arguing about the lack of plans and inability to make a decision about what to do (just like every year, I really dislike the holiday), but turned out pretty OK in the end. Then came the Ice Bowl! One of the best days of my life, the experience was incredible. It would have been nice to win, but it really didn't matter. The stadium looked awesome, the crowd was bursting with positive energy, even the players and coaches were in awe. It was all very, very cool and I hope they bring it back to Buffalo again some time. Thank you to Nicole for asking me to go and being the best Ice Bowl companion a girl could ask for.

Going back to work after 10 days off wasn't pleasant, but things are going a little better. I know that I have support from the people in my department and that's really the most important thing. I've had absolutely no problem adjusting to post-school life, although I do miss my friends. We're all busy, but I think we'll manage to stay in touch.

I think that's it for now. The Sabres play a rare Sunday afternoon game today, which I am looking forward to curling up on the couch and watching, with a little playoff football action in between periods. I heart Sundays.

Craptastic

Something really crappy happened at work today. One of the crappiest things that's ever happened to me at a job. I really had nothing to do with it, it was not my fault at all. That's what everyone told me anyway. I even received unexpected compliments about my diligence and hard work, but alas, the crappy thing happened anyway.

I can't go into detail, but "it" was bad. I say "was" because it's done and over with now. The only place to go is forward, no point in dwelling on it. I realize this is starting to sound like I lost my job or something, but no worries, that didn't happen. "It," however, knocked me off the feel-good cloud I've been riding on and shoved the sometimes cold, heartless soul of corporate America in my face.

It was rough, I actually almost cried. But I kept it together and reminded myself that this isn't the playground. Things happen that you have no control over, grow up and get over it. I was on the receiving end of many sympathy gazes today. I smiled politely, staying upbeat, but wondered what they were really thinking. Could I have done better? Tried harder? Worked longer? Did I fail? I'm still wondering.

No, no, everyone assured me. This wasn't my fault. "It" had been a long time coming. "It" wasn't the end of the world. I did the best job I could.

You know what? I DID do the best job that I could. Apparently, that wasn't good enough. The expectations were impossible, rebuilding something that had taken four years to accomplish in less than three months. Nope, I couldn't do that. Really, who could? They are right, it wasn't my fault.

I feel like I wasn't given a proper chance, it's not fair. The old saying is true, life isn't fair. Still, I wonder, do people think I'm not good enough?

The only thing I can do is try harder. There is plenty of work to be done and I will do it and do it well. I have to exceed expectations and blow them away. Accuracy, efficiency and creativity will be extremely important. Christmas is almost here, and with it a whole 11 days away from the office. This will be a welcome break from the every day routine. Then, it's show time.

Pomp and Circumstance... and a lot of snow

Well, so much for that "writing often" thing, it's been almost 10 days since my last post! Much has happened since then and life is pretty good right now.

First of all, I graduated! I've had a few days for that reality to set it and it's a strange feeling. I'm so happy to be done with the Saturday morning classes, the stress, the frustrations and all that jazz. But I'll miss a lot of things too. As crazy as my classmates and I drove each other at times, we were like a family. During our final class, I presented this little blog project and I told them that I despite our differences, I learned a valuable lesson from every single one of them. That was kind of the theme of the night, lessons learned and friendships made. It was nice.

Even nicer, was graduation night. My whole family made the trek down to Olean for the ceremony, amidst worries over some serious health problems with my grandmother's sister and a warning that the "storm of the century" might hit town. It meant a lot that they all came. Watching my grandparents watching me, I could tell it meant a lot to them to be there. My dad told me he was proud of me, which always tugs at my heart in a way that nothing else ever will.

The ceremony was short and sweet, but the man that gave our commencement speech, an education professor that I had never heard of, sent us on our way with a really great message. He compared our diploma to a brand new car, Bona brown with white interior (this made me crack up). We have the keys, but it will only go where we drive it. The world is an open road, see what's out there. But don't forget about your "BonaStar" button that connects you to the university that you call home whenever you need help.

Messages like that always send twinges of anticipation and excitement through my body. How will my life play out? Where will I go? What will I do? Will I ever have the courage to leave Buffalo and see what else is out there? Time will tell. I have to be patient, things will work themselves out.

Then, the party started. St. Bonaventure is a Franciscan university and let me tell you, those friars know how to throw a party. The IMC class and their guests were invited to an exclusive gathering at the friary, home of the men in the brown robes, complete with open bar and an endless supply of goodies to munch on. I walked in the door and Brother Basil, my favorite professor, greeted me and said, "Get to the bar!"

The Friary is a gorgeous building that was always a mystery to me as an undergrad. I was never part of the "special" group that got invited to dinner there on occasion. It was worth the wait. That night was so incredibly special, I won't even try to describe the details of it here. The memory will stay with me forever.

I know it's cheesy, but St. Bonaventure really is a unique place. Outsiders joke about it being cult-like, but once you're in, you're in for life. If you're not part of it, you can't possibly understand it and you probably think I'm just a big dork. Too bad. I love that school.

A Jaded Company Christmas

Yesterday was my office holiday party, my first real corporate social function. The Fair had a Christmas party, but it was more for members of the Ag society than employees and I had to work the Chinese auction table every year, so I couldn't just relax and enjoy myself.

The party was at a fancy-pants golf course clubhouse in Lockport. The building was beautiful and it was really nice to see my co-workers all dressed up outside of the office. I met lots of husbands, wives and significant others of the people I work with and everyone was really nice. There were over 100 people there, so it was a good crowd and I think everyone had fun for the most part.

There were still a few people that complained though. The food was bad, the drinks were watered down, they made us play games, the music was cheesy, etc. Being a newbie and not yet jaded, I found this a little annoying. The company threw us a party, a free party with free drinks and free food and free music and free raffles with free prizes and we could have brought a guest for free too. What's to complain about? My mom works at a hospital with doctors that have more money than God and she has to pay $35 per person for a ticket to her company's holiday party. Take what you can get, people.

Then I thought about the Fair and how I used to complain about that holiday party (as I did in the first paragraph of this blog). It wasn't really for employees, I had to work during it, we only got a few free drink tickets, the food was bad, everyone wore a cowboy tie, etc. I'm sure I complained a lot more about my last party than I did about my first. I became jaded over the years and left that place full of resent and disappointment.

I really hope that doesn't happen at my new job. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but that's hard to do when everyone around me who has been working there for several years or more is constantly complaining about the company. How do you prevent becoming jaded? I've taken everything that I've heard, good and bad, with a grain of salt and I'm doing my best to form my own opinions as I gain first hand knowledge and experience. So far, the experience has been pretty damn good.

If the company's values align with your own, you believe in the company's mission and you are satisfied with your position at that company, then becoming jaded shouldn't happen. But is anyone ever truly satisfied? There's always something...salary, an annoying co-worker, benefits... to complain about even if you really like your job. I think it's human nature to always want more.

At 24, it's hard to see myself settling down at one company for the rest of my life. I like the confidence and recognition that come with seniority though, I really am enjoying what I do at this new job and I hope that enjoyment continues. I'm sure that in time, my wide-eyed appreciation for free holiday parties will be replaced by complaints about dry chicken and 80s rock ballads, but I'll try to be conscious of my whininess level so I don't scare the newbies.